There are a lot of words I’d use to describe myself but serene isn’t one of them. I’ve blogged previously that one of my largest struggles is seeking contentment. I don’t even like typing the word. It might as well be hieroglyphics.
There’s this little prayer that most people are familiar with called the “Serenity Prayer”
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Ugh. Why isn’t there a call to chaotic dissatisfaction? I’ve got that down to an art form.
At the close of the day I’m left looking at my failures and my inadequacy. I should…
Part of me hates being interested in everything. Why do I have to love computer networks, information security, social networks, web design, marketing, psychology, business, economics, politics…
Sure my varied interests and skills have opened many doors but it also feels like I haven’t reached the top of my game in any of them. I know this isn’t entirely accurate but my feelings aren’t very rational most of the time.
I’m not overly materialistic (except lusting for an iPad) but I really thought that by this life stage things would be more controlled financially. Shouldn’t I be looking at my building my nest egg & retirement instead of facing all these bills? I want to run off to BlogWorld & SXSWi but the reality is I’m thankful I had a gift card to Outback for our last date night. My daughter is only 8 weeks old and I’m already worrying about paying for college, a wedding, cars, & clothes.
Ah worrying – that’s something else I do very well
Throw in the feelings that I should be a better husband, father, Christian, handyman, & yard raker and you have the antithesis of contentment.
So what’s the real problem?
Mostly a lack of faith.
God I realize you are the creator of this world, you are all-knowing and understand me better than I know myself but I just don’t think you are capable of running my life. I’m in charge and here’s what I need.
If I’m ever going to reach that point of being okay with who I am and where I’m at in life then I have to be okay with God being in control and trusting Him to know what he’s doing.
In closing, I’m pretty sure a large chunk of the problem lies here,
seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well – Matt 6:33
My Dad would call it a priority problem and as usual he’d be right. The entire last part of Matthew chapter 6 hits way too close to home. It’s a call to sorry sacks of mud like me to have enough faith to live for God and let him deal with the rest.
rest… funny word, by one definition it’s the problem and by the other definition it’s the result of the solution.
-Lord, help my lack of faith, grant me contentment & serenity – and make it snappy.